Having been a caregiver for my dog Leo’s cancer treatment, others can also attest to what I call “hitting the wall”. All seems to be going well, the chemo seems to be working, the patient is eating well, the energy is growing. Then all of a sudden POOF, the patient goes from gaining to losing. It is an uneasy battle as you try to have hope, but then in just a day or a week, that hope is dashed and you start at a new drawing board.
Honestly, when Leo and I hit this wall, I was frustrated with God because of the hope I had been given. But being frustrated does not mean I was angry, it meant to ask Him why this was happening of which I don’t have the slightest clue. All I know it is of His will and the question is always is am I abiding by this will.
It might take years to process this, why we hit the wall and needed to change course, but I know in time God will clearly me show me why. It could because it was meant to strengthen our resolve or just to bring new people into our life, He only knows.
I see this great trial as a blessing. It has recharged my batteries for one thing to really get in tune with God and trusting in His will alone. Yesterday for example, I met a couple of friends who were spurned by world religions and was able to share more Good News with them of which these world religions were not preaching. They were looked down upon by these religious folks for being sinners, when we ALL are sinners.
I will count the days now with Leo. This could be heading towards the end with him of which I have made my peace with, or it could be heading towards a miracle of which we can only hope for. My heart goes out to anyone who has gone through cancer with another or has had cancer or is battling it! Your thoughts are hardly ever the thoughts of those around you, and I empathize with you. Your fears, your pains, your sufferings are all being recorded by God. He knows exactly what you are going through, so when you hit that wall, turn to Him!