When Your Friend Loses It All

Having just published a book called “A Christian Guide Through Insurmountable Loss”, I will add some advice on when a friend of yours suffers the death of beloved in their life.

As I mention in this book, there is a strong blur and shock initially from a great loss. Bear this in mind. Your friend may not be capable to speak about what they are feeling. There are many emotions all bottled up into one, and it causes a strong blur. They may want to express what they are feeling, but really can’t get the words out. So it is always best to text or email first, it is much easier to respond to you.

Ask the person if you are unsure when the best time to call is, or when they are ready to give you a call. This is showing consideration of what they are going through, and be assured, when they are ready they will respond. Don’t take it as a slight if they don’t, they saw your message, they may just not be ready to express anything.

If you don’t hear from them for awhile, text them again, leave a message. It is quite important that your friend knows you are thinking about them. It may take days, or weeks, but allow them the time to talk to you about it.

When my beloved dog Leo passed away, on that day, I texted my Mom to let her know I decided to let him go after his long battle with cancer. I told her not to call me, because I did not want to talk about it. She respected this, and I greatly appreciated it. When I was ready a day or so later, I gave her a call. A couple of others also respected what I was going through, they asked when it was an OK time. I called them both when the blur and shock eased a bit.

What to say to your friend? It is NOT important, what is important that you just listen. Never tell them what they should do or should not do, unless you fear they are going to take their own life. Don’t advise them on burials or memorials at this point, or self-help groups, or anything really. Your grieving friend is not ready yet, they are still processing the trauma and grief. If you are asked by your friend, it is only then appropriate to give such advice. Comfort them by telling them you are praying for them, and if there is anything they need that you are there. Listen more than speak during this time.

A great loss is a delicate time. Saying the wrong thing to a friend during this time can lose your friendship and most of all trust in you. Don’t expect your friend to be themselves, don’t ask “how are you doing?” because the answer is obvious, they are in misery. The simplest thing to say is that you are so sorry for their loss and you understand how hard this is, and it is also one of the most comforting.

Having been through some great losses in my life, I can say when your friend loses it all, just showing that you are thinking of them and grieving with them is a blessing they will come to appreciate. That you were there in the depths of their sorrow and misery holding their hands through this. You won’t be able to fix the great loss, so never try to do so. Just listen, encourage, and comfort, your friend will greatly appreciated this.


2 Timothy 3:3 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good

You might think Paul was out of his mind when he wrote this? I believe if you look further, this is ringing true especially in the times we live. You can turn on the TV to the news to see a report of any qualities and all of what Paul described. People burning down buildings, defacing public and private properties, and calling this a protest? A political party using the murderous death of one person to divide an entire country into sectarian racial identities and unprohibited violence. The utter destruction of entire communities by individuals who see evil as good and good as evil.

But personally in the last year I have witnessed total depravity in totality of its evil form. A family member told me that our own mother “deserved her broken neck” of which she obtained in a horrible car accident. Who says this about his mother other than someone who is totally depraved? This family member and others also celebrated the cancer of my beloved dog Leo, and then his death, all because they cannot stand my witness in Jesus Christ. They viewed this as “payback” to their evil. They gossiped, they maligned, they slandered continuously. Such horrible EVIL behaviors can only come from a fallen nature.

If you doubt man is born fallen, just view the evil among you. How that seemingly good natured person you know can turn into a diseased at the mouth demon at the drop of a hat for example. Or that good kid down the block you saw grow up now on the nightly news burning down businesses in your community under the veil of a “protest”. That police officer you saw as good, coldly murders a person over really nothing but the authority they believe they possess to do so.

If you are viewing mankind as “good”, you will see things and experience things which will be greatly upsetting because that worldview will keep showing them as not “good”.

This is why the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the power unto salvation, must be shared. When one is actually regenerated, they are given a new heart. One which does not desire to do the evils contained in that heart any longer. One who has been saved and their heart regenerated, really does to come understand how utterly evil they truly were before this point. They were not any better in thoughts or actions, and if it were not for God’s restraining hand on evil, they would too have perpetrated all the evils in their heart, such as the example of saying your own mother “deserved a broken neck”. I was NO different in my former life as that person for example, and I thank God for saving me from this form of evil and placing me in Jesus Christ, not by my depraved choice, but by His grace and mercy.

If you approach individuals in the respect of their fallen nature, total depravity, you will only then understand how imperative the Gospel is to be shared. The evils you witness just further the evidence of this fallen nature. Remember, God wiped out the entire world with a Flood except for 8 individuals and all animals according to their type. He saved many more animals than humans! Think about this. As it was then, it is now. Man’s heart is depraved and evil. It takes a supernatural change of that heart from God to regenerate it from that evil. And what is the tool that God gave us to be the means to His end in this? THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST. That by grace alone through faith alone in Jesus Christ’s person and work alone one can be saved. Believe in Jesus! He is the way, the truth, and the life! Those being drawn by God, hear this call. And if it is of His will, God will make them a new creation. And no longer they will behave as depraved fools willing to blaspheme Him and everyone around Him.

You Can Know Them by Their Pets

Job 12:10, “In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.”

God created man, but also remember He created every living thing. Our pets, our animals are also created by His hand. The horse or dog breeder may believe they are the creator, but they fool themselves with such thinking. It is God who will always create life. It does not come into existence by any man.

Those who have pets are blessed in many ways. If one owns a dog for example, that very dog was sent by God to teach a sinner MANY things. One is sacrifice. My neighbor for example says he doesn’t want to get another dog because it would tie him down. To each his own, but it is he who is missing out on the blessing. He knows the sacrifices which must be made and does not want to be burdened by them.  And I appreciate that he is honest in this respect. Many dogs end up in a shelter because the owners are not honest with themselves.

One will always show they appreciate their blessing in the grief of loss of their pet. They aren’t granted long lives as humans, so having one will also come with the loss of them. Watch out for those who aren’t phased with the loss of a pet, those who treat their pets as chattel. They might seem like nice people outside of this, but they harbor much evil.  They expose themselves as narcissistic and unloving. They should never be trusted.

Some treat their pets as a necessary inconvenience, a part time toy. Watch out for these people as well. They are the ones who lock their dog up in a crate all day and bring them out for an hour, only to lock them back up. Or the dog left on a chain in the yard all day, the one who snarls and barks because they have nothing else really to do. The owner of such a pet exposes themselves as sadistic and narcissistic. If they treat their pet this way, how will they treat you when they are needed? An owner like this should never be trusted.

Some see their pets as money makers. Constant breeders for their bank account with no care for the animals. They will seem to think they are doing the buyers a favor by this. These type of people will also treat human beings in their life by the narcissistic love of money which is the root of all evil. Some will use their dogs for show for boasting, abuse them for specific purposes, and if the dog does not prove to be worthy, they discard them. The degenerate practice of dog fighting comes to mind by disgusting evil owners. Imagine these same people with their own children if they could abuse them this way and get away with it, because they possess this degenerate trait.

The pet will always be a reflection on the owner. If you see a well behaved pet, the owner is also well behaved. If the pet is a scatter brain, reckless, etc., the owner usually is also a scatter brain, reckless, etc. In other words, a pet will expose those dark hidden things we cannot always see. A person might externally look like something to you, but their pet will show you their internals, whether good or bad.

A dog for example is very intuitive. They pick up on non-verbal signals much better than human beings. They naturally crave and need guidance and discipline or they will be disobedient if allowed. An unhappy dog is the undisciplined dog. If the owner leads an undisciplined life, the dog generally is as well. If the dog is passive aggressive, the owner generally will have this trait as well. Shy dogs will have shy owners. The little firecracker dog who is always unwelcoming to visitors, generally has an untrusting owner of visitors. The kind hearted non aggressive loving dog, will generally have a kind hearted non aggressive loving owner.

Too much blame goes on the breed. I see it as an excuse. I met a very kind Rottweiler this past winter, I could discern the owner by him. Some breeds are predisposed for aggression, because owner after owner after owner were just as externally or internally aggressive as well.

So many end up in a shelter for this reason. The owner cannot seem to get a dog to change their behavior while being oblivious to their own behavior of which the dog picked up on and was conforming to. The dark secret things are always revealed. A confident, happy and content owner will have a confident, happy, and content dog. So be conscious and aware of this fact. Your pet will expose your internals, again whether good or bad.

Now tying this in with your Christian walk. If Jesus is your owner, and you are being conformed to Him, you will share His traits. Albeit not perfectly, but generally you are like your dog who desires to behave as their owner. Jesus hates sin and false gospels, a child of His will also hate sin and false gospels. Those who claim Jesus is their owner but lead a totally different life, can be discerned just the same as a dog to its owner.